Tuesday, June 28, 2005
those baby blues
Had a tiff with ma in law today. our first and feeling really bad. she is a sensible soul and I love the fact that she really tries to be as nice possible - but it was over the big BABY QUESTION. It has been 5 years since we have been married and not a bawling brat in sight. Which leads to considerable embarrassment in her social circle. Not to mention that my mom has been calling her up and whining about it. I don't see the point - ma probably wants to prove that she is a normal person and her daughter's strangeness has nothing to do with her. They want a timeline from us and I don't see why I have to provide one. Why do I need to tell anyone when I will have a baby? And why is it just me that has to deal with it? Why not ask the husband man? How come I feel like the criminal here. I have decided to not go to India till I have the blessed baby - whenever that is - because my own parents will not lay off. Nor will family. My corporate life, my "success" has no meaning in the family scheme of things. This despite the fact that most of the women in this family had babies late . apparently much to their dismay as they had trouble getting preggers - according to the family gossip - I guess I should understand their feelings and shut up - but the silence is rude too. I think the only things I could say that would make poeople happy is a) can't have baby and am suicidally miserable about it, or b) am trying as of now and am very sorry for not having one earlier. Essentially I should be sorry- not a 30 plus woman gadding about , planning trips to Mexico.
Families are so frustrating. Those of us who have leave abroad idealise the idea of home and family and get very nostalgic and sentimental and affectionate. But people at home don't necessarily get that carried away - the same old family politics are still there - dragging on for years - you are rudely reminded why you ran away in the first place.
As ma said "shomaajey thaaktey holey tow proshnor uttor diteyi hobey". How do people cope? India is full of single women or "elderly"DINKs - how do you cope with the pressure? There has to be pressure , no?
This is probably a very uncool post for the blog world - the blogs I read are so up and about - no doubt because the Indian bloggers are not really seeking anonymity- unlike me. Which is OK - its just another way to communicate and express yourself.
I will go home and clean the house today and cook and try to be good - because I do like my in laws - she bugs me less than my mom at times. The husband man's family in general is pretty nice. So I will make up.
I used to be a very adventurous babe at one point - I left Bombay to work in some pretty exotic places around the world - and look at me now!
Its all over now baby blue -
Well now, its never really over is it - life is in a different phase now - is all. I am mostly more mature and calm - except for moments like these when I wonder how boring and predictable the whole world is. There is no escaping the dull reality, is there, especially when you are 30 + and married to the man you love for 5 years, and are busy preparing the nest for the demon child - no demon lover in the horizon and you don't one either? I want to rush to your lovely new home, have a long bath and watch TV - or drag my ass to the treadmill - striding to nowhere with determination.
Families are so frustrating. Those of us who have leave abroad idealise the idea of home and family and get very nostalgic and sentimental and affectionate. But people at home don't necessarily get that carried away - the same old family politics are still there - dragging on for years - you are rudely reminded why you ran away in the first place.
As ma said "shomaajey thaaktey holey tow proshnor uttor diteyi hobey". How do people cope? India is full of single women or "elderly"DINKs - how do you cope with the pressure? There has to be pressure , no?
This is probably a very uncool post for the blog world - the blogs I read are so up and about - no doubt because the Indian bloggers are not really seeking anonymity- unlike me. Which is OK - its just another way to communicate and express yourself.
I will go home and clean the house today and cook and try to be good - because I do like my in laws - she bugs me less than my mom at times. The husband man's family in general is pretty nice. So I will make up.
I used to be a very adventurous babe at one point - I left Bombay to work in some pretty exotic places around the world - and look at me now!
Its all over now baby blue -
Well now, its never really over is it - life is in a different phase now - is all. I am mostly more mature and calm - except for moments like these when I wonder how boring and predictable the whole world is. There is no escaping the dull reality, is there, especially when you are 30 + and married to the man you love for 5 years, and are busy preparing the nest for the demon child - no demon lover in the horizon and you don't one either? I want to rush to your lovely new home, have a long bath and watch TV - or drag my ass to the treadmill - striding to nowhere with determination.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Dark clouds
work front. One of the divisions of the office I work in just closed down. Its in the US, so I am guessing it will be better than laying people off in Canada. And its a hand ful of people only. Still its sad. Plus it rings some warning bells in my mind. What will happen next? what about me. But I am quite blase about it right now... being older helps one cope better I think. There is very little that is worse than something I have experienced before. My whirling lifestyle has made me very calm... whatever. Job loss is a fact of life in the States, it happens all the time. But uncertainty is a big thing in India too. There is an intense pressure to do superlatively well or ship out.
That's it. Do not feel like blogging any more.
That's it. Do not feel like blogging any more.
